Question: I fear the cost of debt to my marriage. I’m feeling guilty about spending money that I didn’t tell my spouse about, what should I do?
Answer: Before the situation can get any worse, you much first stop any additional secret spending or accumulation of debt.
Be prepared to commit to a debt relief plan as you prepare to inform your partner. Prepare yourself for an emotional backlash and understand that while telling your spouse about expenses he or she is unaware of the reaction will only be compounded if the very day you come clean you have made additional purchases - adding that much more to your debt situation.
"One way to solve the traffic problems of this country
is to pass a law that only paid-for cars
be allowed to use the highways.”
- Will Rogers |
Admitting your mistakes will put you on the right track. While you should prepare yourself for some repercussions, remember that you need to allow your spouse time to digest the information and begin to heal your relationship.
Obviously, your spouse will not be pleased with your lack of honesty, especially because financial issues are always so sensitive. The cost of debt is multiplied with it is coupled with dishonesty.
Approach your spouse when both of you are calm. Make sure you are in a private and comforting environment. Avoid taking your partner to a public area just to avoid a confrontation. This will only frustrate them further because it will prevent them from voicing their real concerns.
Tell the whole truth; the amounts you have spent, what you have purchased – don’t hold back because if they find out you failed to tell them something, it will only aggravate the problem further in the future.
Once everything is out in the open, allow your partner some time to absorb all the information. Give your spouse time to process the information. Interrupting or defending yourself will only reflect badly on your position.
Once your spouse is ready to continue with the debt conversation, you can talk to one another about how to handle your money situation.
Be sure you come prepared with a debt management program on how you intend to repay the money. If the cost of debt is not too large, you may want to suggest handling it yourself. Taking ownership of the mistake and showing you have a debt reduction strategy will help to bring back some of the trust that has been lost.
The true cost of debt is not the money, but the breach of trust between the two of you. Although you can't promise to become debt free today, you can begin rebuilding the trust by coming to the table with a clear plan of action to reduce and eventually eliminate your debt.
It may take some time, but as long as you stick with your debt free plan and show your spouse that you are making progress with paying down the debt, things will get better. Your partner may even offer to help repay the money in order to get rid of the debt faster.
Avoid unnecessary spending and when you do wish to spend some money let your spouse know your plans in advance. They will see that you have indeed made an effort to change and before you know it, things will be back to normal – perhaps even better than they were before this unfortunate incident.
Don't hesitate to seek out a knowledgeable debt management counselor if you believe one is necessary to ensure your success.
"What's money?
A man is a success if he gets up in the morning
and goes to bed at night and in between
does what he wants to do.”
- Bob Dylan |
|
Debt is NOT your friend. It's not a wonderful "tool" for building wealth. That's a myth.
